Stealing is the exact opposite of adorkable, especially stealing dumb, worthless things.

Look at that shiny silver...yes, the scooter, too...but I'm talking about the helmet. There is, or was, a rare chrome helmet I got at a place some would vaguely remember as Kmart. That was in 2004 when I got it at the one just up the street, so it definitely showed its wear after all these years of dropping it and whatever toxins are floating in the atmosphere. The chrome was coming off and scratches were everywhere.

Still, somebody stole it a few months ago. Yeah, it was tied to the rail like you see in the photo and left overnight, but in a gated community. It's not like I was negligent and left a skateboard out(speaking of, I'm pretty sure movers in Michigan lifted my Christian Hosoi Hammerhead board in the 80s). Leaving something like that, you should expect it to not be around in the morning.

Not adorkable: So the thief showed how low they'll go, which is so undorkable, it's like on the other side of the spectrum.

Adorkable: The girl who hung halfway out a car window and yelled while I was going down Lamar to Barton Springs on my bike, "I like your helmet!"

What are your most undorkable thief tales?

This blog is going to cost you!

I'll let you know when my Paypal account is set up. Until then, consider this on your tab. That's right, maybe it comes as a shock, but nothing in this life is free. I wouldn't go so far as to say you're going to have an epiphany reading this, if you even come across it, but you'll probably get some laughs and weird looks, and that seems to be a thing to capitalize on, given the fact that it's not like I'm trying to sell you a worthless online degree or to scam you. I'm being totally upfront.

(I'm not going to charge you for reading the above paragraph, btw.)

But you are being charged...Starting now! No, I'm serious. Every word you scroll across now is going on your account. Might as well find some other blog while you still have a chance, like maybe one where they're telling you what color they decided to go with for the kitchen counter and pantry. That was actually a lot of words. Are you sure you wanna continue? Notice how I used 'wanna' instead of 'want to,' just to be nice.

More words. It's up to you. That was six right there. Yeah (that counts).

Why don't you turn away? You don't know what you got yourself into...